There’s a reason why most women only carry one child when pregnant. Humans simply aren’t meant to have more than a singleton at a time. You can give one child your full attention, but with twins and up, you have to divide. Or put in more than you can. When a baby goes through a developmental leap your patience is already wearing thin. With multiples… The last week has deprived me of sleep. But even though I’m beyond tired, I can’t fall asleep. I lay awake for hours, turning and tossing. And when I finally fall asleep, I wake up at an ungodly hour and go through the same ordeal again.
Sometimes I have to keep myself from screaming and it makes me feel like a bad parent. And if being a mother is the only thing I am right now, you can imagine how inadequate I feel as a person. By the time we have put the children to bed and we cleaned everything up and did the chores we set out to do the necessary things, I am usually so tired that all I want to do is crawl into bed and get into a fetal position.
C. works with a lot of people from the US and Canada and it never ceases to amaze me how positive they seem to be. Every. Single. Day. I don’t know how they do it. I couldn’t. I wish I could. But sometimes I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. Especially when I’m tired. Or when I feel like a nobody. It’s one thing to spill your guts through writing, it’s a whole other thing to actually have to talk to people and not hide behind a whole array of masked feelings.
Nothing noteworthy happened through the week, except for me almost going mental with the incessant crying and whining. We went to the Festival of Nations at Seisen, the international all girls’ school close by on Saturday. C. ate loads of lamb from the Australian & New Zealand booth, S. played some games, ate cotton candy and had her face painted.
I was able to finish that knitted hat I had in mind and I’m just tweaking the design now. I might be mentally exhausted, my mind is still racing with new ideas. When I’m happy with the final result, I’ll have to do some calculations for sizes from newborn to large. I’m partnering up with Hannah from Circus Tonic Handmade and I hope to do a test knit (people who volunteer to test out a pattern by knitting it up before it is made publicly available) soon. I can’t wait to get this all started. At least it’s something I can put on the small list of things I have achieved done before I turn 35.
As for everything that has happened the last week concerning the Access Hollywood controversy and the presidential elections in the US–we might not be American, but I believe what happens there concerns everyone–I will just leave this absurdity and paragon of the Dunning-Kruger effect with:
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. –Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy